Big Ugly Self February 29, 2008

I have to confess that this week I have been consumed in a very ugly, not-so-pretty, disgustingly egocentric way with my SELF.  And for those of you that have had to hear me complain or have witnessed firsthand this pitiful scene, I am so sorry.

My thoughts have been on my discomfort from the flu, my two day migraine, my lack of motivation, my messy house, my inability to be a good hostess to my houseguests, on and on, ugh!  I did not have one good quiet time with the Lord until yesterday when my littlest one would not nap and I finally put him in  his bedroom for some “quiet time”.  I just sat on my bed and cried.  I had hoped for a nap and some down time with God.  Instead in a puddle of tears and drippy, ugly, yucky SELF I cried out to the One who knows me best and just admitted that I was empty.  I couldn’t go any farther or be anything for anyone without something from Him.

I just needed help to survive and He was there.  His grace carried me through.  I made it to bedtime and this morning the migraine lifted:)  Which is probably why He chose this morning in the shower to speak in His still quiet voice, “Boy, it’s all about YOU isn’t it?”

When I did have a little bit of time with Him yesterday I read John 15:4 “Remain in me, and I will remain in you.  No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine.  Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.”

No I had not had a lot of time to really spend with the Lord and most of that was out of my control.  But my heart focus was not on Him it was on me.  Point taken. Ouch.  Instead of thinking about my sweet neighbor that is 9 months pregnant with her first baby, or my dad that struggles daily with fibromyalgia, or my mom that is trying to provide for her family in a new job and keep up with all 10 of her kids, or Mimi that just lost her 4 year old little boy to cancer, or Chris and Katie who are praying in a waiting room while doctors operate on their 16 month old Addie….. Instead of praying for them and considering myself blessed, I was focused on me.

So I am trying to remember to remain in the Vine.  To stay plugged in.  Jenny, www.jennypruitt.freeblogit.com , recommends grazing in the Word.  Keeping your Bible open on the counter all day and catching a verse through the day when you can.  I think I may try that and turning on praise music and simply refocusing on the reality that I am blessed and God is good. 

So goodbye to big ugly self!  I want to be fruitful and I can’t bear anything but sour nasty trash when I have my eyes on me.  Sorry for complaining this week.  I know next week will be better.  As I tell my kids, “Let’s shine, not whine!”

“Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blamesess and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life-in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing.”  Philippians 2:14-16

Tag, You’re it! February 27, 2008

First time for everything and the first day of my blog my sweet friend Susanne over at www.trulycaptivating.com (you have to teach me how to highlight etc. these things Susanne:) tagged me for a blog game.  So here goes:

The rules:

1)YOu must post the rules on your blog before you play

2)You come up with a word that describes you from the letters of your middle name (or maiden name if need be)

3)You then tag 5 other people to do the same

My middle name is my mother’s maiden name and since it is rather unusual and I think kind of pretty, I have always liked it.  If I ever happened to have a girl (chances get slimmer all the time) I would love to pass it on.

I – inquisitive:my mother always called me that and now particularly w/my 1st and 3rd born kiddos I understand.  They always want to know why or are into anything and everything simply out of curiosity.  For instance when I went upstairs to check on Eli last night.  Yes, he was asleep but his pants were off and he was in my bed.  I found the pants on the floor covered in lotion?  Couldn’t find the source…..until I was falling asleep and rolled over onto a full bottle of lotion with the top off under the covers of my bed.  Fun… couldn’t find the top until this afternoon when he brought me upstairs and showed me where he had dropped it behind my pillow and under the bed:)  inquisitive, there you have it!

V – very, very blessed: I know that is kind of cheating but I am not voluptuous (sp?) nor viavacious (again sp?) and nowhere near virtuous (what is up with hard to spell v words?)  So the closest runner up was very, very tired and that was obvious!

O – outgoing:I love making new friends, connecting with people, networking, etc.  It feeds my tank, gets me going, makes me smile.  Being away from my girls this week has been really, really hard.  I miss my peeps!

R – reader: I love to read.  I really, really do.  I honestly am better about this than I used to be but I really like to have one or two books with me at all times, just in case I get the chance to read.  I don’t put them in the diaper bag or purse anymore b/c really, with three boys I have realized I will no longer just have a spare minute to read.  But my sweet sister was with me this week and we went out to run errands and I noticed she stuck her book in the diaper bag on the way out and I thought, “Ah back when I had just one little man, those were the sweet blissful days when I actually thought I might catch a minute to read.”  Now we really never did get those minutes, and she certainly won’t b/c her little fella is full speed ahead.  I guess the reading addiction runs in the family:)

Y – young at heart: I may not truthfully always be this but I do try and I desperately want to hang onto this.  I used to be really good at noticing the sunset, listening to the crunch of fall leaves, balancing on the walls of parking garages, having tickle fights, making forts under the table… I am not as good at it anymore, more of just a mom.  So I really want to hang on to that part of me.  Because I really like that about myself. 

There you go that is my New Year’s Resolution.  Work on being Young at Heart.  You heard it right here!  So if you see me doing crazy things with my kids, chalk it up to this resolution:)  That makes me happy!!!!

God is good all the time and I am so thankful to each of you for loving me enough to read my random thoughts:)  And hopefully smiling while reading!

Oh I almost forgot I have to tag five people.  I don’t know that I know five other bloggers…Um so Jenny Pruitt, Maura Prelich, Cookie Cawthon, Courtney Emert and Cindy Foote you have been tagged!

Hug your babies February 26, 2008

I really thought I was over this flu thing and then today I have been just wiped out. I even was blessed with a great nap while Eli was napping and I still feel like I got run over by a truck.  (That really is an absurd way to describe how you feel…)  So glad you could tune in to my complaining.

My sister is in town with her little bundle of energy and I hate that she has to hang out with me while I am sick but it truly is nice to have company and a distraction during this short season. After about five days inside though we broke out tonight and ate dinner at Moe’s.  (Welcome to Moe’s!)  Kids eat free on Tuesdays, hurray!  Mark is out of town tonight so it cost me $5.36 for all of us to eat.  And a nice man came around and made balloon animals for the boys and did magic tricks.  It was so very worth it:)  Isn’t God good how He even took care of dinner for me!  Although a sweet family with eight angelically behaving children ate near us and I felt like a buffoon while one of my children decided to carry a glass bottle of beer around!  Yes he picked it up from the cashier stand and was carrying it around while vrooming his motorcycle everywhere!  This happened while I was chasing my two year old away from the gumball machine by the door and somehow my eldest was racing up and down the order aisle.  Yes, it rained most of the day, thus the chaos.  But moments like these make me feel like loser mom of the year.  Why?  When I am sure that mother of eight has had similar moments.  But I always feel critiqued and needless to say I came up on the short side.

Onward:) A friend sent a prayer request for her 16month old niece Addie who the doctors just discovered has many tumors throughout her brain and spine.  She has to have surgery tonight to save her life and then the hard part begins with chemo, etc.  Please, please pray for her….. but it also just makes me so, so thankful for moments like tonight and right now, knowing that my three little angel boys sleep in bed.  And thankfully in good health, other than some stuffy noses:)  But I need to be thankful for each and every moment I have with them.  Whether they are being easy or difficult they are here and I can love on them.  So go crawl up next to your sweeties before you hit the pillow tonight and give them some extra sugar.  And then intercede for sweet Addie and her family,please!

Poison Control anyone? February 25, 2008

My middle cutie was complaining of an earache.  He is not one to complain but was just acting kind of mopey so when I finally asked if he felt alright he said, “no mommy my ear hurts.”  So I remembered I have a bottle of some kind of eardrop herbal stuff in the medicine box.  Yes I have a big cardboard medicine box in my cabinet.

 Not frequently used items like above mentioned ear drops or things like cough drops, extra thermometers, old prescription bottles go in this box.  Then my great organizational method places the more commonly needed meds in the medicine basket.  Don’t be fooled there is really very little rhyme or reason.  The box happened to hold all meds when moving and then I just tossed the ones I needed more often into a handy basket:)  I know I need help in the organization department.

So while I was giving my earache child some ibuprofen, I did not realize that my youngest whippersnapper snatched the earache medicine and somehow figured out how to unscrew it (obviously herbal meds don’t have safety caps).  What finally clued me in to what was going on was when I heard a slurping sound and he says, “Me no like dis.”  AAAGGGHHHH!  He was drinking the ear drops!!!

This should not surprise me as he is the one that likes to taste things he is not supposed to.  Nibbles on cardboard, peace lilies, couch stuffing, thread, you name it.  I grabbed the bottle and began scanning for ingredients while scrambling for the phone, yelling for Mark.  Thankfully I read that it is non-toxic and Mark tries to assure me he really only ingested a little bit.

So hopefully all is well.  No sign of tummy ache yet:)  It was almost bedtime so the little rapscallions are in bed, looking oh so sweet.  As someone once said, “They are so sweet, but don’t let them fool you…they are simply recharging!”  I love ’em!

Chicken Nuggets, Mac and cheese February 24, 2008

I would like to share a personal victory with you.  Small but significant in my life.  It has been about a month since I fed my children chicken nuggets at home as their meal.  Why is this a big deal you ask?  Because for about the last five years they have eaten Dino nuggets for dinner at least once if not twice or three times a week.  Nothing wrong with that I know but over the past few months I have really been praying that the Lord would give me an interest in cooking and a desire to feed my family with some sense of purpose hopefully healthful purpose.

 I myself have made note that it has been about a month but a mini celebration inside my head went on when Mark said tonight as I pulled the old Dino buddies out of the freezer,”Wow, I can’t even remember the last time the boys had nuggets at home!”

 So not only have I made it marathon length without turning to the old standby of nuggets but my man even noticed without me bringing it to his attention. God is so good and rewards those He loves right?  Just a little party goin’ on in my head tonight!

Now what am I having for dinner. While the boys are in the bath and my husband goes to workout….. I am having ice cream One little victory at a time, right girls?

Tylenol PM

So Tylenol PM is awesome stuff.  I took some last night and literally, I think, passed out.  I awoke feeling somewhat better but a little loopy.  I didn’t hear a thing last night.  Mark has been camped out on the couch to try and stay away from the “germs”. 

Which, sidenote, Eli keeps coming and examining my hands and feet and arms very closely saying that he is looking for the “germs”.  Poor guy he is very confused about the whole thing.  He wants to find them so he can start tasting mommy’s food and drinking from my drinks again.   He always wants what someone else has and is very rarely satisfied with what he has.  I told a friend recently that I think I need to start praying that he will learn contentment b/c this is a real issue!  Maybe it is part of the third child syndrome.

Anyways so I come downstairs to see how everyone else fared and Mark is washing sheets b/c two little boys wet their beds and two of the boys ended up sleeping on the floor beside the couch.  Needless to say poor Mark was not well-rested.  Poor guy.  I am so thankful that he is taking such good care of me, b/c truth be known when he is sick I do not do a good job of pampering him and letting him have space to get better.

I need prayer on that one b/c I just have a nasty attitude when he gets sick.  Like it is his choice or he wants to be sick?  Just confessing that is certainly an area I struggle with where the Lord has to fill me with compassion and mercy.  Those are not my gifts.

So Mark took the boys to church and I did a little housework and now I am tired again so I thought I would do a quick blog.  Thanks for everyone that tuned in and for all your comments.  It makes me feel loved! 

My brother Karl sent a comment about a book he is reading by Nouwen.  I just finished reading “Organic God” by Margaret Feinstein.  Incredible and beautiful book.  How bout you?  What are you reading?   

Here we go!!! February 23, 2008

So here I go!  Hello world!  This is my first official blog entry.  I am a frequent lurker on many other people’s sites and love to nightly catch up on what is going on in the lives of my blogger friends that I follow. 

And believe me I don’t think highly enough of myself to think that many, if any, other people will care to hear my ramblings but…  I can’t help but want to be part of this blogging world.  Plus this gives me an outlet to share all the random thoughts in my head, funny things my boys do and some of what the Lord uses to teach me. 

I have said to my husband repeatedly over the past couple of weeks, “I really want to start a blog.”  But it never happened.  So what, you ask, finally slowed me down enough to actually do this? 

The ugly, nasty, hateful, makes you feel absolutely awful flu.  Yes, yes.  I made sure all three of my boys got the two doses of the flu shot.  Yeah that was a lot of fun.  You can kind of trick them into the first shot but then you try taking them back a month later when noone is sick:)  They knew what was going on and it wasn’t pretty.

So needless to say after that fun, family event I just forgot to get a shot for myself.  What a mistake.  Thank goodness for Tamiflu though.  Hopefully I will soon be on the mend.  But I really can’t think of any other time (other than a battle w/mastitis) that I have been so still for so long.  After two days I can at least now sit up and type on the computer.

 Mark is wonderful and thank goodness it is the weekend.  He is holding down the fort.  So let this be a lesson to all moms and caretakers…take care of yourself first!  I should have had the dadgum shot.

So I can’t promise I will share my thoughts every day, but I will try to be consistent and try to be entertaining:)  Thanks for reading!

Interruptions and Inconveniences

I am not very good at staying unruffled when circumstances (or people) interrupt my plan.  Mark says  I like to fit accomplishing 10 things in a 4 thing time span. It is my nature.  But that also means this is a huge area where they Lord tries to refine me.  Especially when it comes to mothering.

 For you see part of my nature is also to hurry and for any of you that have one or are a related to a toddler, they don’t so much hurry!  So recently I am trying to take on a new mind set of slowing down to their pace. 

Instead of dragging them across the parking lot, I am trying to relish in the fact that they like to examine and touch each bug, leaf and crack they find.  And instead of rushing through bedtime books, snack and tucking in I am trying to allow enough time for snuggles and giggles and wrestling.  It really does help my frustration level but it truly, truly takes willpower and discipline.

Of course I love the little moments with my little guys but why is it so easy for me to rush through them so I can accomplish the “next thing.”  I tend to look at their childishness at times as an inconvenience instead of what it is, a gift.

As I was thinking on this and beating myself up with “mom guilt” I was reminded of something I read by Elisabeth Elliot.  She is one of my absolute heroes and if you have never read anything by her, please go get Gates of Splendor, Keep a Quiet Heart or The Shaping of a Christian Family. She and her husband  Jim Elliot (along with their toddler daughter) were missionaries to the Auca Indians.  Jim and four other men were massacred by the Indians but Elisabeth returned to live with the same indians and share Christ with them.  She is tough stuff.

Elisabeth Elliot shares two challenging quotes.   One by Emily, wife of missionary Adoniram Judson, who says…”the person who would do great things well must practice daily on little ones; and she who would have the assistance of the Almighty in important acts, must be daily and hourly accustomed to consult His will in the minor affairs of life.”

Hmmm..convicting.  How bout this one of Janet Erskine Stuart, “She delighted in seeing her plan upset by unexpected events, saying that it gave her great comfort, and that she looked on such things as an assurance that God was watching over her stewardship, was securing the accomplishment of His will, and working out His own designs.  Whether she traced the secondary causes to the prayer of a child, to the imperfectionof an individual, to obstacles arising from misunderstandings, or to interference of outside agencies, she was joyfully and graciously ready to recognize the indication of God’s ruling hand, and to allow herself to ge guided by it.”

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