This is where I’m at:
Yes, that is a Bible on my head. A big, honkin’ Bible. I’m considering the best way to pass this idea on to Beth Moore for a Hat Bible. I need His Word to be a constant IV drip into my system. I need to soak it in and fill me up!
You may have never been in a similar season in your life but right now I am hanging onto the Lord and His grace and strength and mercy for dear life. I wake up talking to Him and grab my phone and pull up YouVersion (the Bible) and start reading. Because I am so holy…NO, SO I DON’T FREAK OUT!!!
Certainly I can be overdramatic and do not in any way feel sorry for me, but I’m just keepin’ it real…I need some Jesus right about now:) And He has been showing up BIG time…through friends and family, circumstances, notes and particular Scripture verses right when I need it most.
Sigh…the drug Mark was a rep for went generic rather unexpectedly and about two weeks ago Mark’s entire sales force was laid off. We’ve been down this road before but the last time his company provided two months severance but not this time. So he is diligently job hunting. We are on our faces seeking the Lord’s direction. We know He will provide and He already has been SO faithful!
At the same time Mark’s sister just found out that she has breast cancer. So there is a lot going on in our lives. We are really doing well. We are thoroughly enjoying time together as a family and truly making the most of it. At the same time there is a TON of uncertainty (that’s an understatement) and some big giants we are staring down…I’m honestly not a fan of giant slaying. Oh yeah and you throw in that whole waiting on the adoption thing…which, by the way Mark does need a job in order to be able to bring our baby/babies home. Plus he needs to make a certain amount, as well, to stay approved to adopt.
HOWEVER, none of this is a surprise to God and He truly has a plan, we know this. Our biggest prayer is that He will be glorified through our lives during this season and He will get all the glory as He reveals His plan. We desire nothing less than our lives be a monument of His goodness and glory. He will make a way and we want to be faithful as we wait. We don’t want this season to be wasted. We want to learn and grow and be transformed through this process and prepared for whatever is next.
It isn’t easy though and some days I find it hard to find my Pollyanna positive attitude. People have so graciously and lovingly helped us already…and I am finding it SO hard to accept help. I LOVE helping other people, but doggone it, it is not as much fun to be on the receiving end! Just being honest here. This is truly revealing to me so many areas where I am unbroken and full of pride and I need to be stripped. It is not pretty. It is draining…and exhausting…and just plain old hard. I am SO, SO thankful. And that’s another thing…the Lord keeps reminding me that I am supposed to be TRULY thankful for this season…and that’s just hard too!!
I’m learning a ton…about who He IS and who He ISN’T…about my idols that need to be torn down…about dark corners of my heart that need to cleaned out…about how amazing my husband is…about how truly selfless and grace-filled and compassionate my friends are…about how rich I am in the friends department (like Donald Trump rich!!)…about how much I depend on my circumstances to determine my peace instead of Jesus’ promises and presence…
Is it becoming more clear why I need the aforementioned Hat Bible? If you’ve seen one marketed anywhere-hook me up! If not maybe I can go on the Shark Tank and present my idea…whatcha think?
So if you see me in Wal-mart wearing my Hat Bible holler out a reference for me or simply look away:) But certainly stay tuned because I just KNOW my amazing Father has a really cool something up His sleeve:) And I am believing that the other end of this story is going to be just incredible and I also am convinced that what He is doing in us through this…is just as significant. He’s writing a really cool story in us…we certainly would love your prayers!
Maybe I should call it Bible Hat instead?…